Very silently, without informing anyone or taking anyone’s permission, I have added a new job to my profile. As I go to smoke in the Smoking Room in the Basement of our office and as my office is on the fifth floor and as I have learned which floor different smokers have their offices, I secretly added the job of LIFT MAN to my profile. When I enter the lift, even before anyone has a chance, I press the needed buttons for the floors where the lift needs stopping. Generally, people are very happy and thank me for my service.
I am happy as I am not paid for this job. This is because I cannot be penalised if I do some wrong in this job. I need this caution because I am causing confusion (as usual). I have confirmed knowledge of where which person has his office. However, I do not have knowledge of where the person is headed after the smoke. For example, if the person’s office is on the 1st floor and he is headed to a meeting on the 4th floor, I only press the button of the 1st floor. This means that the person is delayed by that element of time when the lift will stop at the first floor – the door will open, no transaction, and then the door will close before the lift start moving up again.
I am so happy for Adnan Sami as he no longer needs being lifted. Check this out.
By the way, I have enormous experience in this job. When I was in Bangkok, Matze (Mr. Mattheus Schorer), who was my interface in CIMCO, invited me to join Rotary Club meetings every week on Wednesday evenings between 7:00PM and 8:00PM. The group had people working in different industries. In every meeting, one person in the group would present a talk about his/her industry. In one such talk, one expert from Schneider, who was involved in implementation of lifts, provided some knowledge. He told us the various aspects of designing lifts. I did not understand this too much. However, when he came to the part where he described what aspects need considering when purchasing a lift, I listened very keenly. He said that the suspension system needs evaluating very carefully. This is because when the lift comes to a halt in any floor, if the lift jerked, it could severely damage the back bone of the people the lift was carrying.
Recently, while trying to learn Mechanics from Professor Walter Lewis, I have to solve many problems where a lift is involved. Though I am trying very hard, I am unable to figure out why I need calculating aspects like what needs being the equation for acceleration of the lift so that it just accelerates to the sufficient amount such that it can some to a halt with minimum jerk at the right floor in the least amount of time. I am totally foxed, as every time I seem to have a formula, Professor Lewis finds another variable which is not available in my equation. And then, there is Mr. Newton and his Laws of Gravitation. Though it is called Universal Law of Gravitation, it is still a Engineering solution and thus only works as long as a “Sand Box” is properly defined.
English: First Class Smoking Room of the SS Kronprinzessin Cecilie (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
Experiences of Partha Majumdar 
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